Sunday, February 25, 2007

WCBE 90.5 FM: "The Astronaut Farmer," "Ghost Rider," "The Number 23"

WCBE 90.5 FM
It's Movie Time: "The Astronaut Farmer," "Ghost Rider," "The Number 23"
Co-hosted, produced & directed by John DeSando & Clay Lowe
Air Time: Friday, 3:01 pm and 8:01 pm, February 23, 2007
Streaming live on the web and on-demand at http://www.wcbe.org .

Clay

"The Astronaut Farmer" is "Apollo 13" on horseback . . .

John

"Ghost Rider" blazes with banality. . .

Clay

"The Number 23" adds to the dross of this pre-Oscar season . . .

HIT THEME MUSIC

Richelle:

"It's Movie Time" in Columbus with John DeSando and Clay Lowe. .

MUSIC BRIEFLY UP THEN SLOWLY DOWN AND OUT

John

I'm John DeSando . . .

Clay

I'm Clay Lowe . . .

John ("The Astronaut Farmer")

Clay, as I asked last week about Breach, how do you take an inherentlyinteresting true story, this time about a former astronaut drop out who launches himself into orbit, and make that story slow, dull, and corny?

Clay

I still don't know.

John

The Astronaut Farmer reaches that state.

Charles Farmer (Billie Bob Thornton) is determined to achieve his quixotic goal at the risk of jettisoning his family and close friends by losing his too-well-ordered farm and his loving, dutiful, and way too accepting wife, Audrey (Virginia Madsen), a clichéd part like all the others.

Everyone is a caricature, as the film itself is almost a parody of the American dream: It relies on the American tradition of individualism, even at the expense of those closest to the dreamer.

Clay ("The Astronaut Farmer")

Folks, "The Astronaut Farmer" IS as caricature of  weird-geek heroes.  If you've seen the Polish brothers even weirder "Northfork," you'd get the picture even better.

So, they do get the weird part right, but their heroes come off as being so self-satisfied that you find yourself, finally, not caring what happens to them.

John

Hey, that’s ME!

Clay

Billy Bob Thornton made us love him in his own written and directed film, "Sling Blade."  And Sam Raimi extracted an even more subtle performance out of Thornton in the wonderful movie "A Simple Plan."

John

Right!

Clay

But three weirdos do not make a right, and the Polish brothers plus Billy Bob transform this movie's would-be Don Quixote into Sancho Panza. 

Thank god for Virginia Madsen's accepting wife, John, she would have made a fine Dulcinea.

John ("Ghost Rider")

She’s DULLINEA to me.

Clay

Too bad.

John

How about some more space-out junk? Ghost Rider is a forgettable comic book adaptation.

Clay

Too many of them are . . .

John

Nicholas Cage plays Johnny Blaze, who sells his soul to Mephistopheles (Peter Fonda—who else would be peddling chopped bikes?). Now Blaze rides his cycle at night, skeleton head ablaze, protecting the innocent and being very bad about bad boys.

Cage is miscast with abs that must have been digitized (he couldn't be in all these second-rate films and develop a six pack like that). As for the cleavage of his girlfriend played by Eva Mendes, that looked real to me, a typical comic book TITillation.

Clay

John, it's time somebody weaned you.

John

(Laughs, then goes on.)

The computer graphics of ghosts and wrecks is just fun enough for comic book geeks to enjoy and regular geeks like me to think I should read the comic to get really in on the action.

Clay ("The Number 23")

John, if it's action on the biker circuit you want, then skip "The Number 23" and hold out for next week's "Wild Hogs."  Now that's a movie that going to be a hot entertainment.   But, unfortunately, "The Number 23" fails to add up, no matter how you tally the figures.

And that's all Jim Carrey does in "The Number 23. " He is incessantly obsessed with that number, and spends the rest of the movie trying to extract the meaning of his life from that particular numerary.

The only thing this movie shares with the far more creative  "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is its lead character and dark shadows.  And nobody does dark shadows darker than "Number 23's" director, Joel (Batman Forever) Schumacher.

John

That's dark.

Clay 

Trust me. It's an inexplicable downer. 

But enough of space-suited Quixotes, blazing bikesters, and misguided numerologists, John, because it's grading time.

HIT DRUMS, THEN UNDER FOR

John

Holy Hot Honda, Hooray!

"The Astronaut Farmer" earns a C for its CATATONIC pace . . .

Clay

"The Astronaut Farmer" gets a "C" because Mark Polish is no CERVANTES . . .

John

"Ghost Rider" earns a C for its faux COMIC book  CANdescence. . .

Clay

"The Number 23" gets a "D" because its DARKNESS DOES not become it . . .

TAKE DRUMS UNDER, THEN OUT

Clay (continues)

But one quick note, John, before we leave.  Check out the DREXEL Gateway's Oscar Party this Sunday night.  And double check out its talented MC, our Wild Hog buddy, Johnny DiLoretto.

John

Clay--I’ve ridden motorcycles for over 30 years, and I dare say the ladies thought I blazed.  I’m outta here.

Clay

Wrong again, John, they said you're flamed out.  Shazaam!

I'm outta here too.

See you at the movies, folks.

HIT CLOSING MUSIC, THEN UNDER FOR:

Richelle:

The Award-Winning "It's Movie Time" with John DeSando and Clay Lowe is written and produced by John DeSando and Clay
Lowe in conjunction with 90.5 FM, WCBE in Columbus, Ohio

Copyright 2007 John DeSando & Clay Lowe