Tuesday, July 04, 2006

My Books, My Life: Marginal Notes & Underlines From Novels(T-Z)

Tanizaki, Junichiro
Some Prefer Nettles (1928)
Bought: St. Stephens Book Store - Columbus (January 6, 1998)
Began: 11:30 pm, January 20, 1988 (Walhalla)
Finished: 11:20 pm, February 1, 1988 (Walhalla)
Warm rain out window - ckl

“It’s got so that to some extent every woman tries to make herself look like an American movie star and naturally takes on a little look of your courtesan. It’s happening in Shanghai too.”
- Junichiro Tanizaki, Some Prefer Nettles

Tarkington, Booth
The Magnificent Ambersons (1918)
Bought: The Book Rack - Columbus, Ohio (June 21, 1980)
Began: 4 pm, August 8, 1980 (Walhalla Road - Columbus, Ohio)
Finished: 1 pm, August 10, 1980 (Sunday afternoon on porch of Walhalla, humid-milky blue sky day - ckl)

[For quote see page 139 on the “automobile - used in syllabus for 506/606 courses at OSU]

Thackery, William Makepeace
Vanity Fair: A Novel Without a Hero (1847-1848)
Bought: No place nor time listed
Began: 6:30 pm, September 2, 2004 (Walhalla bedroom)
Bush speaks at the Republican convention tonight - ckl
Finished: Quit reading on page 296 (10:30 pm, January 16, 2005)
Tried reading it in parallel with Beth M. from MACS’s Cafe - we both gave up on it. - ckl

Thurm, Marian
Henry in Love (1990)
Bought: No time nor place listed
Began: 1:40 am, June 24, 2004 (Walhalla bedroom)
Finished: 9:30 or so pm, July 31, 2004 (MACS CAFE , Columbus, Ohio)
Walk back up High Street to Walhalla ahead, Blue Moon, yet to rise - ckl

“It occurs to me that no one’s asked me if I’d seen that last Mary Tyler Moore show, which I did, probably more than once. And the image of Kate and Darian, Cynthia, Nina, and Day, all with their arms wrapped around each other, is a pleasing one to me. All of them in my house, my bedroom, a constellation of mourners standing over me and weeping until at last they slowly and reluctantly come apart . . . “ - Henry in Love

Note in margin:
Thinking here of Jack Leigh, not me. My turn will come in due time - ckl

Tolstoy, Leo
Anna Karenina (1876)
Bought: No place listed (August 16, 1975)
Began: 7 am, April 16, 1976 (My apartment on S. Neil Avenue)
Break record against the wall later that evening when angry at Robin - ckl
Finish: 5:10 pm, April 23, 1977 (North Neil Avenue apartment ?)
The last night of Columbus’s “Cultural Explorations” Conference, I a member of the committee of one hundred - League of Women Voter’s sponsored - ckl

Underlined at 6:30 am, May 11, 1976
“As he saw all of this, there came over him for an instant a doubt of the possibility of arranging the new life, of which he had been dreaming on the road. All these traces of his life seemed to clutch him, and say to him: ‘No, you’re not going to get away from us, and you’re not going to be different, but you’re going to be the same as you’ve always been; with doubts, everlasting dissatisfaction with yourself, vain efforts to amend, and falls, and everlasting expectation of a happiness which you won’t get, and which isn’t possible for you.’”
- Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Trevor, William
Felicia’s Journey (1994)
Bought: Columbus Metro Library (January 6, 1997)
Began: 12:04 am, January 25, 1997 (Walhalla bedroom)
Finished: 5:20 pm, February 4, 1997 (Walhalla living room couch)
Inside all day fighting a cold that began last week, breaking into sneezing this late rainy-sky day. Closing note: Look to the sun and lift your face to the gently falling down rain - The true pleasures are Elemental - ckl

Tyler, Anne
Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant (1982)
Bought: Gift from Robbie, Christmas, 1982
Began: 10 pm, December 31, 1982
Finished: 10:45 pm, January 26, 1983 (Walhalla bedroom)
Kim & Paul moving into their own home Saturday; David visiting Shelly, Jan and Michael in Pittsburgh - then on to see Scott & Karen in New York City. Rob in bed beside me asleep. - ckl
“There ought to be a whole separate language, she thought, for words that are truer than other words -- for perfect, absolute truth. It was the purest fact of her life: she did not understand him, and she never would.” - Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant

Ullman, James Ramsey
The White Tower (1945)
Gift to Scott Lowe (December 25, 1973)
Classic adventure novel read when I was, perhaps, in my late teens or early twenties - ckl

Updike, John
Bech: A Book (1965)
Bought: St. Stephen’s Book Store - Columbus (December 12, 1985)
Began: 10:45 pm, January 9, 1986 (Walhalla)
Finished: 8:30 pm, January 17, 1986

“In short, one loses heart in the discovery that one is not being read. That the ability to read, and therefore to write, is being lost, along with the abilities to listen, to see, to smell, and to breathe. That all the windows of the spirit are being nailed shut.” - Bech

“Difficulty of women sleeping on trains, boats, where men are soothed. Distrust of machinery? Sexual stimulation, Claire saying she used to come just from sitting on vibrating subway seat, never the IRT, only the IND. Took at least five stops.” - John Updike, Bech, 1965

Updike, John
Brazil (1994)
Bought: Columbus Metro Library (January 6, 1995)
Began: 10:50 pm, February 20, 1997 (Walhalla bedroom)
Up to speed after 2 week cold - swam 1st time again this morning - ckl
Finished: 2:20 pm, March 2, 1997 (Walhalla bedroom)
Re-arranged yesterday, first time since Robin left four years ago - ckl

“’Women, too, resent the tyranny of sex, and the necessity to make lasting social attachments of what was meant by nature, perhaps, to be a passing fit. Women and men occupy two different realms - their mating is like the moment when a bird seizes a fish.’” - Brazil

Updike, John
The Centaur (1962)
Bought: Salvation Army - Columbus (November 24, 1979)
Began: 10:45 pm, January 30, 1983 (Walhalla bedroom)
One day after Kim & Paul move into new home at Gerbert - ckl
Finished: 11:27 pm, February 25, 1983 (Walhalla bedroom)
Out earlier in the evening to see: “The Verdict” with Robin - ckl

“This mile or so, then, was a rural interspace, a remainder of the country’s earlier life. We would pass the old race track, abandoned and gone under to grass, and several sandstone farmhouses each accompanied, like a mother with a son, by a whitewashed springhouse of the same stone. Quickly crossing the harsh width of a three-lane highway, we would enter on a narrow path the museum grounds, and an even older world, Arcadian, would envelop us.” - The Centaur

Updike, John
The Coup (1978)
Bought: Salvation Army - Columbus (January 18, 1980)
Began: 5:45 pm, February 26, 1981 (David’s “green” room, Walhalla)
Finished: 4:15 am, March 11, 1981 (David’s room, Walhalla)
The day my open letter ad to Dan Rather (CBS) about El Salvador is to appear in The Lantern at OSU - ckl

My Underline:
“So these gestures of economics are like the reaching gestures on Géricault’s painting of the raft of the Medusa, gestures that will never grasp their objects, because the raft is sinking. Your Communism is such a failed gesture. In the industrialized countries of Western Europe, where Marx reasoned the uprising must come, the Communist party officials wear suits with vests, and sidle forward for their share, as you Americans say, of the pie.”
- John Updike, The Coup

“So the nation of Islam was just another gangland after all. In the strength of his disillusion Oscar became a trainee with the Chicago police, and with unfeigned enthusiasms helped bop long-haired protester heads at the 1968 Democratic Convention, at the same time as his repudiated brother was fomenting the revolution that overthrew Edumud IV and brought Islamic socialism to Noire, renamed Kush.”
- John Updike, The Coup

Updike, John
Marry Me (1971)
Bought: Salvation Army - Columbus (July 26, 1980)
Began: 10 pm, June 23, 1985 (Walhalla Ravine porch)
Finished: July 4, 1985 (Walhalla porch)
Still diffused light gray sky seen through the trees on the ravine - ckl

“She saw each thing only as something to tell him about, and without him there was nothing to tell; he had robbed her of the world.”
- John Updike, Marry Me

Updike, John
Memories of the Ford Administration (1992)
Bought: Columbus Metro Library (February 10, 1995)
Began: April 26, 1995 (Walhalla bedroom)
Breezy, sunny, warming to 60s today - ckl)
Finished: 1:50 pm, May 2, 1995 (Blue bedroom - Walhalla)
A return to the blue bedroom and new mattress for the first time since Robin moved her bed out in 1993 - ckl

“However much Carter wanted to be liked, we could not quite like him: the South couldn’t quite like him because he was a liberal and an engineer, the Northeast liberals couldn’t because he was a Southerner and a born-again Christian, the Christians were put off because he had told Playboy he had looked upon a lot of women with lust, and the common masses because his lips were too fat and he talked like a squirrel nibbling an acorn. Blacks like him, those blacks who still took any interest in the national establishment, but this worked in his disfavor, since the blacks were more and more seen as citizens of a floating Welfare State concealed within the other fifty, and whose settled purpose and policy was to steal money from hard-working taxpayers. Carter and the other liberal Democrats were white accomplices to this theft, this free ride. Furthermore he told us things we didn’t want to hear: We should turn our thermostats down and our other cheek to the Iranians. Our hearts were full of lust, we were suffering from a malaise. All true, but truth isn’t what we want from Presidents. We have historians for that. - Memories of the Ford Administration.

Updike, John
A Month of Sundays (1974)
Bought: Chapter I - Columbus (February 26, 1983)
Began: 8:15 pm, March 6, 1983 (Walhalla)
Finished: 6:43 am, March 7, 1983 (Walhalla)
End as tangled black limbs from Walhalla ravine become more clearly outlined as the earth turns and begins to immerse itself in the steely blue morning light - ckl

“For we do not want to live as angels in ether; our bodies are us, us; and our craving for immortality is, as Death’s great philosopher Miguel de Unamuno so correctly and devastatingly remarks, a craving not for transformation into a life beyond imagining but for our ordinary life, the mundane life we so driftingly and numbly live, to go on forever and forever. The only Paradise we can image is this Earth.”
- John Updike, A Month of Sundays

Updike, John
Of the Farm (1965)
Bought: The Book Store - Columbus (August 2, 1985)
Began: 12:10 am, August 3, 1985 (Walhalla)
Finished: 11:16 am, August 8, 1985 (Lakefront Howard Johnson’s, Cleveland, Ohio) Watching a boat on Lake Erie from my 9th floor hotel room window. - ckl

“’Well I don’t wonder,’ my mother said, ‘living in that air-conditioned city where the seasons are all the same. Here on my farm every week is different, every day is a surprise. New faces in the fields, the birds say different things, and nothing repeats. Nature never repeats; this August evening has never been before and it will never be again.’”
- John Updike, Of the Farm
And it hasn’t . . . Katie Lowe is born on the 15th the following Thursday - ckl

Updike, John
Rabbitt at Rest (1990)
Bought: Half Price Books - Bethel Road, Linworth (February 28, 1994)
Began: 7:12 am, October, 1994 (Walhalla bedroom)
Hopefully to Philly & Douglassville this weekend to visit Shelly & Michael and A.J. and to talk to David - hung up in pain on Saturday - ckl
Finished: 4:15 am, November 23, 1994
So it goes the day before Thanksgiving, 1994 - Kim, Paul, Dani & Paul David ‘s second year at Paxton - Shelly, Michael & Aaron’s 1st Thanksgiving (and they’re in Florida) - Scott, Karen, Katie & Amelia are in their new place on Brown Avenue - and David in Chestnut Hill - Heading to Mom, then Eddie’s today, Cheri & all at Aunt Martha’s tomorrow. Rob in Chillicothe, naturally. - ckl

Updike, John
Rabbit is Rich (1981)
Bought: Half Price Books - Bethel - Columbus (September 22, 1994)
Began: 3:30 am, September 23, 1994 (Walhalla bedroom -self)
Finished: 4:30 am, October 24, 1994 (Kim & Paul’s bedroom - Paxton)
We move inextricably - not to our own ends - but to the beginning of the cycle out of which we first emerged. Nothing is ever lost, it merely changes form. -ckl

“Beneath them, through the scratched oval of Plexiglas, there is the South, irregular fields and dry brown woods, more woods than he would have expected. Once he had dreamed of going south, of resting his harried heart amid all that cotton, and now there it is under him, like the patchwork slope of one big hill they are slowly climbing, fields and woods and cities at the bends and mouths of rivers, streets eating into green, America disgraced and barren, mourning her hostages.”
- John Updike, Rabbit is Rich (1981)

Updike, John
Rabbit Redux (1971)
Bought: Volunteers of America - Summit (February 24, 1994)
Began: 11:50 pm, August 28, 1994 (Walhalla bedroom)
Overhead fan - Soufflé buried under rocks outside on the Ravine - thunderstorms earlier - ckl
Finished: 10:52 pm, September 12, 1994 (Chateau #14 - Tobermory)
On the eve of my entry into my third year of abstinence - The memory of my last afternoon in the Green Room still having its hold on me, making completion of this novel and the above scene one more of the ironic interstices of my life and my literary meanderings. -ckl

My underline:
“The open country south of Brewer, the Amish farms printed on the trimmed fields like magazine covers, becomes the ugly hills and darker valleys north of the city, where the primitive iron industry had its day and where the people built of brick, tall narrow-faced homes with gables and dormers like a buzzard’s shoulders, perched on domed lawns behind spiked retaining walls. The soft flowerpot-red dark like dried blood. Though it is not yet the coal regions the trees feel darkened by coal dust.”
- John Updike, Rabbit Redux

Updike, John
Rabbit, Run (1960)
Bought: Half Price Books - Bethel Road, Cols (June 6, 1994)
Began: 11 pm, June 18, 1994 (Cottage #2 -bed- Tobermory)
Finished: June 26, 1994 (Cottage #2 - Tobermory)
Blue sky again, on couch, cooler - the Chee-Cheemaun preparing another run. - ckl

My underline:
“But he is going east, the worst direction, into unhealth, soot, and stink, a smothering hole where you can’t move without killing somebody. Yet the highway sucks him on, and a sign says POTTSTOWN 2. He almost brakes. But then he thinks. If he is heading east, south is on his right. And then, as if the world were just standing around waiting to serve his thoughts, a broad road to the right is advertised, ROUTE 100 WEST CHESTER WILMINGTON. Rout 100 has a fine ultimate sound. He doesn’t want to go to Wilmington but it’s the right direction. He’s never be to Wilmington . . . . He doesn’t drive five miles before this road begins to feel like a part of the same trap. The first road offered him he turns right on. A keystone marker in the headlights says 23. A good number. . . . Trees overshadow this narrower road.”
- John Updike, Rabbit, Run

Updike, John
Roget’s Version (1986)
Bought: Bookman’s - Tucson, Arizona (November 9, 1997)
Began: 8 am (MT), November 10, 1997 (Tucson, Arizona)
Tim & Sarah Gassen’s living room couch - Copper Street - ckl
Finished: 8:30 am (CT), November 11, 1997 (The Sunset Limited) Heading to Savannah from Tucson, Arizona - somewhere now near Huston, Texas and the former Kay Kinney - ckl

“I think the way people were designed originally the tribe used to raise the children, on the young mother had them. There was an overall program and everybody shared it. Now, there is no tribe. There is no overall program. It’s hard.” - John Updike, Roget’s Version (1986)

Updike, John
Toward the End of Time (1997)
Bought: Dalton Bookstore - Chicago (September 9, 1998)
Began: 10:55 pm (CT), September 9, 1998 (Union Station, Chicago)
AMTRAK “3 Rivers” - Chicago to Fostoria, Ohio - 2 hours late
Finished: 7 am, September 19, 1998 (Cottage #2, Tobermory, Ontario)
Michael and I at Grandview last night with Katherine, Suzie, and Deb - see pictures - ckl

My underline:
“Malls have become a public habitat soaked in slovenly intimacy; its customers step naturally from huddling around television in their living rooms to cruising these boulevards of superfluity where fluorescent-lit shops press forward temptations ranging from yogurt-coated peanuts to electric-powered treadmills . . . . I was the only person in sight wearing leather shoes and a necktie. Deirdre parked me outside Banana Republic and at the end of my ordeal took me into Brooks Brothers and bought me a striped shirt that answered some gangsterish beau ideal of her own. She has, it almost made me weep to think, a splinter of feeling for me somewhere in her polished brown machine of a body. Easy weeping is another sign of dotage . . . “ - John Updike, Toward the End of Time (1997)

Sylva (1962)
Bought: Phoenix Books - Owen Sound, Ontario (June 22, 1992)
Began: 8:30 pm, June 27, 1992 (Cottage #1, bedroom, Tobermory)
Finished: 11:15 pm, July 6, 1992 (Walhalla bedroom)
Cool night under blankets - ckl

My underlines:
“This evening I am walking alone - I always walk alone, but this evening, “I don’t know why, the rustle of the leaves under my boots exacerbates my loneliness. Can it be that it is beginning to weigh on me? And yet, I could continue to walk untiringly if the last light of day were not fading fast. I am strolling slowly back toward the house, its calm and comfort already beckoning as I inhale the scent of moss and mushrooms. No, this lonely life does not weigh on me, I still love it as much as ever. I am happy, peaceful, infinitely calm” - Vercors, Sylva

“That to hope that one might acquire understanding and at the same time preserve one’s instinct was an absurd wish. That every conquest made by reason or by the will involves as a corollary the surrender of an innate but unconscious knowledge. And this relinquishment, I told myself, is the price we pay for our freedom.” - Vercors, Sylva

Vesaas, Tarjei
The Bridges (1966)
Bought: (January 31, 1974)
Began: 10 pm, February 14, 1974 (Rightmire Boulevard, Columbus)
Finished: 8:45 pm, February 22, 1974 (Rightmire Blvd. - wind & snow)

“We lie like longing beside the footpaths.
We lie like fear above the hurrying highway where life goes to waste, where man hurries and hurries after emptiness. We are beside the houses in which they shut themselves away: the fortresses they have built in order to shut themselves in with their brief joys.
We are the thin, complaining wind that brushes past, searching for what cannot be present.
We are the wind behind the wind -- that searches in defiance, in case something is to be found all the same.
We are where everyone is, and where no one was. We search night after night.” - Tarjei Vesaas, The Bridges (1966)

“The Wings of Time” from Peter on phonograph player - ckl

Vesaas, Tarjei
The Boat in the Evening (1968)
Bought: St. Stephens Books - Columbus (November, 1980)
Began: May 30, 1983
Finished: Not yet finished

Vesaas, Tarjei
The Current Cycle (1934)
Bought: St. Stephens Bookstore - Columbus (April, 1981)
Began: 11:30 pm, April 25, 1988
Finished: 12:14 pm, May 23, 1988

Vidal, Gore
Julian (1962/64)
Bought: Trade or Swap - Philadelphia (March 25, 1989)
Began: 11:20 pm, April 16, 1986
The afternoon with Kim, Dani, Paul David & I at the O’Shaughnessey & Hayden Run Falls, also stopped by the open house at 6,000 Dublin Road (for sale again) - ckl
Finished: July 3, 1989 (Cottage #2 - Craigies - Tobermory, Ontario)
Night sky a silver gray backdrop against the willow as mist and the smell of rain comes in from off the harbor at Tobermory - the wind increases - ckl

“I shrugged, ‘The golden age ended. So will the age of iron, so will all things, including man. But with your new god, the hope of human happiness has ended.’

‘Forever?’ He taunted me gently.

‘Nothing man invents can last forever, including Christ, his most mischievous invention.’
. . . . With Julian, the light went, and now nothing remains but to let the darkness come, and hope for a new sun and another day, born of time’s mystery and man’s love of light.”

- Gore Vidal, Julian, 1962/64

Vidal, Gore
Myra Breckinridge (1968)
Bought: Salvation Army - Columbus (September 15, 1979)
Began: 11:30 am, September 3, 1984 - Labor Day
Finished: 10:43 am, September 10, 1984 (Walhalla living room)
Emma at my side - on floor in the living room - cool & gray outside - breeze coming in through the porch door. Rob, Amy, Bob in Avalon, NJ -

“Incidentally, I noticed a quotation scribbled in one of the margins of the notebook. Something she (I hate to say “I”!) copied from some book about Jean-Jacques Rousseau. I don’t suppose it’s giving away my secrets to say that like so many would-be intellectuals back East Myra never actually read books, only books about books. Anyway the quotation still sort of appeals to me. It is about how humanity would have been a lot happier if it had kept to ‘the middle ground between the indolence of the primitive state and the questing activity to which we are prompted by our self-esteem.’ I think that is a very fine statement and one which, all in all, I’m ready to buy, since it is a proven fact that happiness, like the proverbial bluebird, is to be found in your own backyard if you just know where to look.” - Gore Vidal, Myra Breckinridge

Warner, Sylvia Townsend
Four in Hand: A Quartet of Novels
Lolly Willowes (1926)
Mr. Fortune’s Maggot (1927)
Summer Will Show (1931, 1936)
The Corner That Held Them (1948)
Bought: No place listed (May 20, 1986)
Finished: None yet read (only first few pages of Lolly Willowes)

Watkins, Paul
The Forger (2000)
Bought: Christmas gift from Neil & Marge (2002)
Began: 2 am, January 2, 2003 (Walhalla bedroom)
Finished: 7:43 pm, August 5, 2006 (Cafe Table across from Mall Clock at Easton)
The light from the setting sun highlighting the faces of the people crossing through its beams as they head toward the Easton clock high above the entrance to the enclosed Mall. ckl

"I understood better now how difficult it must have been to live in the shadow of a man like Pankratov. He was built for always moving on, leaving no attchments to tear up his heart with regret. I wondered how many people he had left behind in his life. Even his own artwork, when he felt himself become attached to that, was fed to the flames rather than become a weakness."
- Paul Watkins, The Forger (p. 173)

Watkins, Paul
The Story of My Disappearance (1998)
Bought: From Neil & Marge (December 25, 2003)
Began: March 17, 2004 (Walhalla bedroom)
Finished: 9:30 pm, March 31, 2004 (Walhalla living room)
Room full of silence - ckl

“Out on the water, I discovered, everything is what it is. The life is too hard and too dangerous for it to be any different. That is why people who go to sea fall in love with it. Because what you do is who you are. And what you think becomes known, whether you say the words or not.”

“I knew than that even if she did fall in love with me, as I was falling for her, she might never tell me so. She might never say the words -- at least not the great declarations of love, without which I had once believed it was impossible . . . . She had lived too long among lies. Each friendship was filtered through the lies she’d told before. She’d had to find some other currency than words, even if I was the only person to whom she could tell the truth. She might prove she loved me, but she would have to show it, and in her own way. The clues of her devotion would be clear once I learned how to see them.”

- Paul Watkins, The Story of My Disappearance, 1998

Wells, Rebecca
Little Altars Everywhere (1992)
Bought: Gift from Robin Craig (March 14, 1997)
Inscription: “Clay, One of the greatest directors of our time.”
Began: 1:45 pm, March 17, 1997 (Franklin Cty Court House, Court Rm 7B)
Finished: 3:35 pm, March 27 (Twin Lakes, Shawnee Hills, Ohio)
At the top of the hill of pine woods at Twin Lakes in Shawnee Hills, Ohio - The breeze turning cool - the shadows falling on the pungent moist-dry needles, longer - ckl

“Your first dive into the water in the morning is the finest thing in the world. It’s never too cold. It’s Louisiana summer creek water,not some northern-state water--where I’ve never been, but I know it’s so cold it takes your breath away and would give Daddy a heart attack. Little Spring Creek is the kind of water that lets you wake up slow, lets you roll over on your back and float and stare at the clouds without getting the shivers, without having to swim fast to keep from freezing to death. Mama says, This is the kind of water that spoils Southerners for any other part of the country.”

“This is the thing about living in a small town. I once dated Kidd Gerard. I broke the man’s heart while he was at Auburn, sending me telegrams once a week. I know he’ll do what I ask, even though he hasn’t kissed me on the lips in twenty-two years. I always tell my two daughters: Don’t ever underestimate the power women have over men. And don’t ever let them know you have it either.”

- Rebecca Wells, Little Altars Everywhere, 1992

Welty, Eudora
The Ponder Heart (1953)
Bought: The Book Store - Columbus, Ohio (August 1, 1979)
Began: 10:30 pm, August 2, 1979 (3742 Hoover Avenue - Endwell, NY)
Finished: Not yet finished

West, Nathanael
Miss Lonelyhearts (1933)
Bought: No place listed (February 24. 1979)
Began: 2 am, March 31, 1979
Finished: Not yet finished or just not noted.


There was the outward me, the insecure, easily intimidated by money and authority me, who joked and cut up and clowned his way through socially difficult situations. Then there was the inward me, who retreated into books and words and sometimes images created by hand and sometimes created by camera. And finally, there was the sexual me who throughout life never overcame his obsessive fixation on the mysteries contained within the genitalia of the female adults who surrounded the edges of my being.