WCBE 90.5 FM: "It's Movie Time" - "The Chronicles of Riddick," "The Stepford Wives," "I'm Not Scared," "Saved!"

“It’s Movie Time” with John DeSando & Clay Lowe
"The Chronicles of Riddick," "The Stepford Wives,"
"I’m Not Scared," “Saved!”
Taped: 4 pm, June 9, 2004
Air Time: 3:01 pm and 8:01 pm, June 11, 2004
Streaming live on the web Fridays at 3:01 and 8:01 pm.

John
"The Chronicles of Riddick" is a spoof not meaning to be one. . .

Clay
"The Stepford Wives" has a great cast all dressed up with nowhere to go . . .

John
"I'm Not Scared" is a lie: all 10 year old boys are scared . . .

Clay
"Saved!" is more than just a high school flick that wants us to get right with Jesus . . .

HIT MUSIC THEN UNDER FOR:

Richelle:
It's Movie Time in Mid-Ohio with John DeSando and Clay Lowe . . .

MUSIC UP ND OUT

DeSando
I'm John DeSando

Clay
And I'm Clay Lowe.

John ("The Chronicles of Riddick")
Clay, remember how the intentional 50’s sci-fi spoof “Lost Skeleton of Cadavra” was awful because it wasn’t funny?

Clay
I’ve already tried to forget.

John
Well, “Chronicles of Riddick,” the sequel to “Pitch Black,” is funny because it isn’t intentionally a spoof; it’s a ludicrous account of convict Riddick, played with Vin Diesel’s patented grunts and garbled elocution, in a galactic war 500 years from now that only he can win for the good guys, who are NOT the Necromongers, an alien race not half as interesting as its graveyard name.

Judi Dench as an “Elemental” helping Riddick is like putting high octane gas in your lawnmower—What the heck is she doing here? And what the h was I doing there other than laughing at laughable lines and hoping for hopeful words for our sci-fi audience. Only if you want to laugh and cry at the same time should you waste your time at this first true “disaster” film of the summer.

Clay ("The Stepford Wives")
John, the remake of “The Stepford Wives” is a cut-and-paste script written by a hunt-and-peck scriptwriter. Not as bad as I had expected but not as good as I had hoped. That’s little enough consolation for the movie’s talented cast who had to work way too hard for the laughs it got at last night’s preview screening.

John, we could have made a better movie. With a handy dandy home editing set-up we could have started out the movie with some of the mad-as-hell scenes from “Network,” added in some scenes of the uptight ladies who starred in “The Witches of Eastwick, and finally capped it all off with the awful closing scenes from Meryl Streep’s disastrous “Death Becomes Her.”

Credit Nicole Kidman for adding class to the movie’s male-trashing moments, and Better Midler for providing the movies’ only comic relief, But, most of all, extend condolences to Glen Close, who has become the undisputed queen of Hollywood bitchdom.

HIT CD: PACHELBEL’S “CANON,” THEN UNDER FOR

John ("I'm Not Scared")
Harry Potter’s adolescent confusion about the appearance of adult rectitude and the reality of a corrupt world run by those models is nothing compared to young Michele’s harrowing discovery and decisions in “I’m Not Scared” when he finds another 10-year-old boy chained to the bottom of a pit in a remote abandoned farm.

This thoughtful Italian import has a “Days of Heaven” eye for the lush waving grain of 1978 Southern Italy and a Poe-like treatment of terrible incarceration.

Italy was plagued by kidnappings in the 1970’s, and boys must grow to be men by making difficult decisions. “I’m Not Scared” adds little insight except cameras floating through grass and boys confronting adults, as they do under any circumstances. But it sure beats the magic out of “Potter” for trying to understand the lives of little boys (not necessarily “altar boys.”)

MUSIC UP, THEN DOWN AND OUT

Clay ("Saved!")
John, the magic in Brian Dannelly’s “Saved!” is more prosaic than tragic.

Captivating in her role as the un-virgin “Mary,” Jena Malone hopes everyone at American Eagle High School will believe that her slow swelling belly is a result of an Immaculate Conception. In strong support of her is her equally erring mom (Mary Louise Parker), a marvelous actress who’s as brilliant on screen as she is on the stage.

Full of the usual high-school-is-tough cliches: mean girls, school misfits, obssessive teachers, and parents who don’t get it, “Saved!” does add a delightful twist by featuring Macaulay Culkin as a wheelchair-bound student who delivers some of the movie’s best one-liners.

Not since “Carrie” has Hollywood so ruined a high school prom night, nevertheless the movie is fast, fun, and frothy. If hypocrisy is high on your list of things you hate you’re going to love this movie.

But put away your “Bush For Jesus” stickers, John, it’s grading time.

John
Hooray!

HIT DRUMS

John
"The Chronicles of Riddick" earns a "D" because Vin DIESEL still acts like a truck. . .

Clay
"The Stepford Wives" gets a “C” because boorish guys from Connecticut just want their wives to have fun . . .

John
"I'm Not Scared" is a "B" for telling the truth about BOYS' fears and heroism. . .

Clay
“I’m Not Scared" gets a “C” because its too perfect camerawork overshadows the performances of the movie’s young actors . . .

And “Saved!" gets an “A” because the mean girls learn a lesson in forgiveness . . .

John
Clay, our four wives (blah)

As husbands we were just too nice. I'm outta here.

Clay
Wrong again, John. God may have shut the door on our past, but he has opened the window of our future.

I'm outta here too.

See you at the movies, folks.

HIT MUSIC CD: “THE LADYKILLERS” (CUT 12: “YOU CAN’T HURRY GOD”), ESTABLISH, THEN UNDER FOR:

Richelle:
The Award Winning "It's Movie Time" with John DeSando and Clay Lowe is produced by Richelle Antczak in conjunction with 90.5 FM, WCBE in Columbus 106.7 FM in Newark, WYSO, etc. Reviews on the web, etc., etc.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

Copyright by John DeSando and Clay Lowe, 2004